Sunday, July 23, 2006
Before the 30-something
As you approach the 30s, there is some self-reflection that you start doing sub-consciously. You are probably at a stage in life where the tumultous, proving-yourslef twenties are behind you, yet there is much to look forward to in life. As i approach my 30th year, what are some of the things that i can look back upon ?
1. One of the things is a well-defined value system, which continues to be variously captured in parts here. The 'perennial doubt' has subsided and while there are occassional moral dilemmas, which still challenge, the world-view is almost formed. One's identity crystallizes, and the sculpting has truly begun.
2. Another thing you understand is that you may not reach the pinnacle of your profession (career-wise). This can be a difficul realisation, espcially if you are fed the motivational jargon of 'you make your destiny'. Yes, numerous corporate success-stories circulate, but for every one success there are countless others who don't make it. So one is more comfortable - more emotionally detatched- with the annual appraisal, more tolerant of the late promotion etc. and the self-doubt 'am i good enough?' slowly evaporates. You begin to understand that at the end of the day, one has to be fundamentally decided about ones priorities and a 24*7 corporate life is not something you may want or even be capable of. The glamour of the "blackberry-wielding, jet-setting, business-class workoholic life" declines. You slowly realise the high costs your professional aspirations extract from you.
3. The third thing is the realisation - How one life or lifetime is insignificant in the greater scheme of things. What is this greater scheme ? Well, scientifically speaking the universe began some 12 cosmological eras ago (a cosmological era is 1 followed by the number of zeros in years counted from the birth of the universe. The age of the universe is approximately 12 cosmological eras- 10 followed by 12 zeros years*). The earth began some 4.5 billion years ago as a planet of one of the billion stars in one of the billion galaxies of the universe. It is incidental that life began on this insignificant little planet and through evolution and natural selection, here we are. Let us not forget the 'great extinctions' (e.g. permian extinction, jusassic extinction) in the past where more than 70 % of the earth's species have been wiped out. We are just a smarter-ape species who will perhaps reign for a few more thousand years, a mere flick in astronomical time, and vanish. A single person's life of this species thus, is quite insignificant.
We torture ourselves with existential questions. With our great quests of 'purpose of life' etc. While i am not degrading such pursuits, in the greater scheme of things, our life is not something that is going to change the course of the universe. This understanding and acceptance leads to calm.
4. Sometimes I wonder what happened to all those dreams as a youth ? Those irrational -dreamlike-wild-free times ? When exactly did i start to conform ? ("American Dream"/"Big Chill" style conformity). Somewhere the realisation hits that it was absolutely normal to believe what you believed in AT THAT POINT in time. It would have been very sad to have a youth unfilled with idealism/radicalism. It's not that you sold your soul, but you grew up and started realising a few things. I still respect those values, however the world-view is now more tempered, matured, nuanced. This transition is not unlike the making of wine. To make good wine takes time and the orignial tanginess of the grape. Without the original zing, it just doesn't become good wine.
There remain some unfulfiled dreams, and you become comfortable with the situation as you enter your 30s. At times there is a dull regret, but there is no longer the quixotic, at-any-cost quest for the same...
I am not claiming to be wise. They say that you really do not become wise till you have children. Maybe and perhaps if this blog lives another 10 years, maybe i will write my views at 35 or 40, and that may be a complete departure from what is written here.
Here's to the future...to the next 30 years !
*PS : A note about how the universe is going to end ? Well, of all the competing theories, i believe the proton-decay one. Due to energy loss, all the protons in the universe will decay in some finite time. This time is estimated to be approximately 132 cosmological eras (that's 1 followed by 132 zeros in years).
1. One of the things is a well-defined value system, which continues to be variously captured in parts here. The 'perennial doubt' has subsided and while there are occassional moral dilemmas, which still challenge, the world-view is almost formed. One's identity crystallizes, and the sculpting has truly begun.
2. Another thing you understand is that you may not reach the pinnacle of your profession (career-wise). This can be a difficul realisation, espcially if you are fed the motivational jargon of 'you make your destiny'. Yes, numerous corporate success-stories circulate, but for every one success there are countless others who don't make it. So one is more comfortable - more emotionally detatched- with the annual appraisal, more tolerant of the late promotion etc. and the self-doubt 'am i good enough?' slowly evaporates. You begin to understand that at the end of the day, one has to be fundamentally decided about ones priorities and a 24*7 corporate life is not something you may want or even be capable of. The glamour of the "blackberry-wielding, jet-setting, business-class workoholic life" declines. You slowly realise the high costs your professional aspirations extract from you.
3. The third thing is the realisation - How one life or lifetime is insignificant in the greater scheme of things. What is this greater scheme ? Well, scientifically speaking the universe began some 12 cosmological eras ago (a cosmological era is 1 followed by the number of zeros in years counted from the birth of the universe. The age of the universe is approximately 12 cosmological eras- 10 followed by 12 zeros years*). The earth began some 4.5 billion years ago as a planet of one of the billion stars in one of the billion galaxies of the universe. It is incidental that life began on this insignificant little planet and through evolution and natural selection, here we are. Let us not forget the 'great extinctions' (e.g. permian extinction, jusassic extinction) in the past where more than 70 % of the earth's species have been wiped out. We are just a smarter-ape species who will perhaps reign for a few more thousand years, a mere flick in astronomical time, and vanish. A single person's life of this species thus, is quite insignificant.
We torture ourselves with existential questions. With our great quests of 'purpose of life' etc. While i am not degrading such pursuits, in the greater scheme of things, our life is not something that is going to change the course of the universe. This understanding and acceptance leads to calm.
4. Sometimes I wonder what happened to all those dreams as a youth ? Those irrational -dreamlike-wild-free times ? When exactly did i start to conform ? ("American Dream"/"Big Chill" style conformity). Somewhere the realisation hits that it was absolutely normal to believe what you believed in AT THAT POINT in time. It would have been very sad to have a youth unfilled with idealism/radicalism. It's not that you sold your soul, but you grew up and started realising a few things. I still respect those values, however the world-view is now more tempered, matured, nuanced. This transition is not unlike the making of wine. To make good wine takes time and the orignial tanginess of the grape. Without the original zing, it just doesn't become good wine.
There remain some unfulfiled dreams, and you become comfortable with the situation as you enter your 30s. At times there is a dull regret, but there is no longer the quixotic, at-any-cost quest for the same...
I am not claiming to be wise. They say that you really do not become wise till you have children. Maybe and perhaps if this blog lives another 10 years, maybe i will write my views at 35 or 40, and that may be a complete departure from what is written here.
Here's to the future...to the next 30 years !
*PS : A note about how the universe is going to end ? Well, of all the competing theories, i believe the proton-decay one. Due to energy loss, all the protons in the universe will decay in some finite time. This time is estimated to be approximately 132 cosmological eras (that's 1 followed by 132 zeros in years).
# posted by Abhijat @ 3:02 AM 
